A Loss In Leap Year

Nineteen years ago my father died. It was February 29,1992. It was leap year so that date does not appear on the calendar every year. It does however appear in my heart. The pain seems so recent and the date seems so distant. The details of that day and the following days are painfully and uncontrollably vivid. Massive heart attacks strike without warning. No waving goodbye. No last words. Suddenly a critical piece of your family portrait has been involuntarily removed. You are left with the heartbreaking realization that you cannot control this. You cannot change this. You cannot bring him back. You stumble through the traditional events of the next 72 hours in a fog . Clarity would only increase the pain. Then you realize that you haven't actually slept in several days. Sleep is difficult but necessary. With sleep comes the dreams. Some good. Some nightmares. You begin to wake up each morning thinking it was all a dream...and then the conscious state that announces the death did happen. Eric Clapton's "Tears in Heaven" plays on the radio every day bringing both sorrow and comfort. Adults who have always been your source of love and protection are coming to you for strength and solace. This day is permanently changing so many things. You would think it would appear on the calendar every year.