First Annual Global Warming Pageant

September 13,1922 the hottest air temperature ever recorded occurred in Al-Aziziyah, Libya:  57.8°C/ 136 degrees Farenheit. We could leave it at that. But we will not allow one lone nation to claim the title of the hottest location without a competition. Let the interview segment begin. The Iranian contenders argue that other sites find that a NASA satellite recorded surface temperatures as high as 71 °C (159 °F) in the Lut desert of Iran, making it the hottest temperature ever recorded on the surface of Earth. Dollal,Ethiopia is home to the Denakil Depression of Africa dipping to a depth of 116m below sea level with a resulting sweltering temperature. Dallol is home to the highest average air temperature in the world and the salt plain to the Dallol volcano, the lowest on earth. Dallol, Ethiopia, could also arguably be the warmest place on earth with an average yearly ambient surface air temperature of 307.55 kelvin (34.4°C = 93.92°F). We have a strong race heating up. Yes, I said it.

Enter team Libya. The desert plateau of Dasht-e Lut,Libya 's scorching surface temperature reportedly broke the 70 degrees centigrade barrier. A widespread area of the central Lut is infamous for killing every single creature including bacteria. I believe we have a winner for the talent portion of this competition. It's strongest rival for the world's driest spot is Chile's Atacama Desert. Team USA now makes a strong showing at Death Valley, California with the second-highest air temperature on record, reaching 56.7°C. Other records list the temperature higher in this driest place in the United States with a listing up to 134 Fahreheit (57.8 Celsius) on July 10, 1913. Our unbiased distinguished panel takes these conflicting reports into consideration as they await the long anticipated swimsuit and evening gown competitions.

And still, the very hottest place has not been established. I hope a scholarship accompanies this title.  The World Meteorological Organization reported Bangkok, Thailand as the absolute hottest place on the planet including its infamous smog,humidity and high temps. Tunisia also has strong showings in the how-high-can-we-go temperature category. Northern Africa's vast Sahara is the world's largest hot desert stretching from the Red Sea to the Atlantic Ocean. The Sahara's hottest temp was 136 degrees farenheit with an average temperature reading of 90 degrees and a scattering of 10 degrees in parts of the desert.

Libya,Iran,Death Valley,Africa, The Sahara Desert and the last remaining finalist returning after a brief retirement....Albany,Georgia. This challenger distributes the following current monthly chart of weather to the judges:

102,99,102,98,97,103,97,98,98,100,100,102,104,101,104,96,98,96,97,98,100,98,96,95,95,100,92. Those were the actual temperature readings in Albany for June 1-27,2011.

BAM!!! WE have a WINNER!!!!!!! Cue the music. There she is.... Hit that runway Albany! You are hot,hot,hot !! You  have no volcanoes or camels. This isn't a rainforest. There are no tropical monkeys. There are no ancient ruins being examined by archaeologists and Indiana Jones. You just have sizzling pavement and ongoing record-breaking heat.....and a crown and a sash and a scepter and a scholarship. What do you mean, there's no scholarship???????!!! WHAM!! POW!! CRASH !! BONK!! KAPOW!! BAM!! Look out for the crown !! Wow. That is going to leave a mark. It is never wise to anger a pageant contestant, especially in this heat...

Southern Comfort

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.----Mark Twain. People talk about how to feel comfortable in your own skin. Architects and dress-designers alike discuss combining comfort with function and appearance. The search for comfortable shoes is longer than the one for the meaning of life. When you look for a couch,chances are you are looking for a comfortable couch. The chair in your office needs to be comfortable. After work,you might want to slip into something more comfortable. I have heard that a comfortable saddle is important although I would argue that horseriding knowledge would make me more at ease. Comfortable jeans are great and comfortable genes are even greater. Becoming comfortable with yourself sounds like it would require yoga and a certain amount of flexibility but I could be mistaken. A comfortable silence describes an interruption in a conversation that does not result in anxiety or concern over what the other person is thinking. During that lapse in chatter,comfort food could be served although it clearly would not be needed. You want some order in your life and that can be achieved through a comfortable routine.  If Mary and Joseph had stopped at a Comfort Inn, there would have been a room and it would have been...wait for it...comfortable. I just returned from a beach trip where I spent alot of time holding my adorable three-year-old great-nephew in the waters of the Gulf of Mexico. We laughed and rode waves and swallowed salt water. We gazed up at the bright blue sky every time the planes from Tyndall Air Force Base flew over us. We shared overly-dramatic exaggerated reactions to approaching waves. We laughed hysterically and ingested more of the Gulf before catching our collective breath and repeating the cycle. We looked for fish and reacted to minnows as if they were whales. We were out there so long, we could have found Nemo. We were out there so long, I thought I saw Nemo. The crashing waves slowed for a bit and the laughter was replaced with us holding each other and rolling gently with the calmer waves. We were in sync with the water. The motion was effortless. Zeke smiled and looked directly into my eyes and softly said: This is comfy.  And I agreed but apparently not convincingly. Then he said: I'm comfy. Are you comfy? When I assured him that I was, he grinned and just held on tighter. And so did I.

Atticus Finch and Bill Hambley

There is a scene in the 1962 classic movie To Kill A Mockingbird when Reverend Sykes says to Scout: Miss Jean Louise, Stand up. Your father is passing. The spectators in the courtroom balcony had great respect for Atticus. His unbiased and diligent pursuit of the truth and enthusiastic defense of Tom had earned their deepest respect. Atticus was a man to be respected and Reverend Sykes instructed Scout to convey that well-deserved respect to her father. It is a powerful cinematic moment.

I think of that scene often and when I do, I think of both Gregory Peck ( the actor who portrayed Atticus) and of my father. My dad was a man to be respected. He was a man of character. He stood up for what was good and right and true. He was intelligent and hard-working. He had a strong work ethic and a resolute set of morals and principles. He, like Atticus, went about his business in a quiet dignified manner. He was also a good listener. Patient and good-humored, you would  hear him whistling as he exited his car and walked up the sidewalk after work.

He was a man who smiled alot. He laughed. He played table tennis with the zeal of a child. The same with tennis. He loved to fish. He loved his wife. He had a happy joyous marriage filled with love and laughter. He loved his three daughters. He loved his grandchildren. He never raised his voice. That is not true. He raised his voice loudly at least once a week during football season when the University of Alabama was playing. But much like Atticus, he rarely raised his voice. He helped us with homework and pushed us on swings and saved us from ocean waves and imaginary monsters in the closet. He slaughtered incredibly large spiders. He grilled hamburgers and hot dogs for us. He painstakingly removed bones from the fish on our plate for us. He played board games and ball games with us. He was always waiting at the bottom of the big slide. He took us on family vacations to the Smoky Mountains and Disney World and Washington and Daytona Beach and Cypress Gardens. He would take us to Davis Brothers' Cafeteria after church and we could select what we wanted including the chocolate pudding with the whipped cream. He caught us whenever he possibly could but if we fell, he was always there to pick us up. He taught us to play card games and ride bicycles. The summer heat never prevented him from mowing the lawn or manning the ice cream churn. He was and remains our hero. He carried us on his shoulders both figuratively and literally. He taught us so much by his example. He treated people fairly. He did not discriminate or tolerate injustice. He was a gentleman through and through. He was generous and loving. He was compassionate. He was friendly. He was always there. His love was unconditional and constant. He was strong and he was gentle. I recently wrote about men who reflected class. My father defined the word. Men of his caliber are a rare breed. My dad was from the "greatest generation. He served in the Army Air Corps and was stationed in India in WWII. He was an engineer with J.I.Case and Lilliston Implement Company and Lilliston Corporation where he served as plant manager. I worked two summers at Lilliston Corporation and I saw the respect everyone had for my dad. (I can also now discuss peanut combines and cultivators with the best of them.) He was a selfless well-mannered man who was a member of Civitan ( a community service club) and thus worked at the concession booth at the annual fair. He also worked at telethons at the local television station and met celebrities including actors from The Virginian. These two things alone cemented his cool status. You have probably already processed what I didn't know until later. It wasn't until recently that I realized I had grown up in a Disney-like home. As parents go, I hit the jackpot. My father was simply the absolute best. He excelled as Daddy, Grandaddy and Uncle Bill. I am posting this recognition of my father in advance of father's day. On that day I will miss him and remember him. And if he were here and walked past me,you better believe I would be standing.

The Ipod Whisperer

For some illogical reason, I have become the recipient of friends' ipods whenever they misbehave.Well I know the reason. I am the never say die person. I cannot stand the thought of giving up and admitting defeat. I can beat the ipod. I think I can. I think I can.  I put them in timeout and eventually attempt to reason with them.  Typically before our session is over, I am begging the handheld device to please for the love of all that is good to cooperate and operate! My most recent patient is challenging on a new and disturbing level. The ipod sends an error message with a number that directs you to a manufacturer's message regarding that error number and similar error numbers. This message basically informs you that while this is a common error, we, the manufacturer, do not have a clue as to how to correct it. We do not want to tell you to toss it and buy another one. Rather instead we tell you to try various things including turning it on and off, toggling the hold button, turning itunes on and off, turning your computer on and off, holding your breath and counting backwards starting at twelve thousand and one... I made the last one up. But the directions were eerily close to the directions for the hokey pokey. When the owner of the "corrupted" ipod receives the error message for the hundredth time...the consumer should be directed toward a cyber hazmat team that will arrive in Ghostbuster fashion and exorcise the personal jukebox back to normality or in ipod terms, restore the device.  (When an ipod is restored, you do hear the hallelujah chorus coming from somewhere....) Our goal is to restore the device to its original factory settings and give the little guy another shot at high performance. A simple do-over. That is all that we are requesting. Instead of sound advice and yes the pun is intended, we receive instructions to slam down five energy drinks while simultaneously turning our computer on and off and singing the national anthem. I have yet to succeed in restoring this last ipod. The translation of my restoration of the other ipods is that they magically began working again. We love our ipods but we need real tech support. Until then, please rise for the singing of the national anthem.